Vessel of Mercy Study

Ps 19:14 – Let the sayings of my mouth, And the meditation of my heart, Be for a pleasing thing before Thee, O Jehovah, my rock, and my redeemer! (YLT)

“There has to be something more!”

The agonized scream came from the depth of my soul. Yet not a sound passed my lips.

“There has to be something more! Why do I feel so empty? Alone. Lost. Rejected. Where is God?”

I believed that God was supposed to fill the hole in my heart. But he hadn’t, though I’d worked hard for decades to believe and do everything I thought God expected of me.

“There has to be something more!”

For the first time in my life, rather than push the thought away as irreverent, I gave it my full attention. “There has to be something more! God does not satisfy the emptiness in my core.”

It seemed that my religious beliefs caused me more trouble than they helped me. Though I worked overtime to keep everything neatly bottled up, I constantly oozed fear and judgment, and a whole lot of other nasty traits.

Love and joy and all the traits that were supposed to flow from me, according to my religious beliefs, were lacking, or at best, severely limited in me. My interior truth was not in harmony with my mental desire and external effort. I finally decided I was a fraud, a religious hypocrite and decided to ditch religion and be honest with myself.

A whisper.

Not long after I got honest with myself, I became aware of a whisper somewhere inside that persistently provoked, “But if God can’t satisfy, who or what can? No one! Nothing! Nothing.”

Had that relentless whisper been there all along and I’d simply not heard it? Maybe stuff, like self-effort, needed to be cleaned out and let go to clear the channel before I could hear the beckoning whisper.

Long story in a nutshell… I was drawn to Scripture in search of answers to several relentless questions. Who is God? What is he like? What is he doing? How is he doing it? How does he feel toward human beings in general, me in particular? What does God want from me?

Two selves.

I discovered that I have two selves. I am at the same time a vessel of wrath and a vessel of mercy. As I let go and allow the vessel of wrath to die, I encounter my true self, the vessel of mercy, who has always been, is, and always will be loved and favored by God.

How that tidbit of truth changed how I see myself, God, and the world!

Rom 9:20-24 – But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honored use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? (ESV)

I invite you to join me in exploring who we really are.

May mercy, peace and love be multiplied to you!


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